General Milley calls Russia to warn of Ukrainian counterattack


WASHINGTON, DC — After learning of Ukrainian plans to launch a counterattack outside Kiev, General Milley did the honorable thing and immediately called the Kremlin to give Putin a friendly warning.

“Let me get this straight – a comedian-turned-politician named Volodymyr Zelenskyy is in charge there in Ukraine? anonymous source. by a madman. Whoops !”

General Milley then took a giant green rotary phone like the ones military generals always use and found the Kremlin number in the margins of his favorite book, The 1619 Projectthat he reads every night.

Sources say that after some friendly talks, Milley gave Putin the time, date and location of the planned counterattack, as well as the strength and capability of the Ukrainian force.

“As an American general, it’s my job to follow the president’s orders and protect American interests,” Milley told an aide. “But as a card-carrying communist, it is my job to ensure the downfall of the West so that our glorious revolution can take place! Mission accomplished!”

Unfortunately, Milley couldn’t connect with Putin, who was already on the other line with Biden.

This woman – uh, Wymxn? – was arrested for driving alone in the carpool lane. But she has a surefire way to get away with it: her favorite pronoun is them!

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